Earlier Thursday, the Dow Jones Industrial Average briefly hit 40,000.
The DJIA is a fascinating little index, a holdover from an adorable time in the American economy when thirty companies were enough to gauge the pulse of a nation. Also, 40,000 is a big, round number in the base-ten system of counting, and looks very nice in headlines.
Lots of people have an opinion about this event, and many of those opinions directly contradict one another.
If this is your first time encountering a big, round number that people want to talk about, allow Sherwood News to be your guide through the many ways you’re allowed to play it. Here is how you can deal with a big, round number, and what it reveals about you.
1. Big number important!
You are a wealthy Boomer who has long retired from active trading. You possess a hat that years ago you had embroidered for this specific occasion, but unironically. You still have some admiration for Jack Welch, because you were active during the era of reaping, not the era of sowing. There is a fairly good chance you currently reside in Florida. You have had a subscription to the Wall Street Journal for the past thirty years. You are currently popping champagne.
2. Big number obsession is vestige of a futile monkey brain
You get irrationally angry that these idiots salivate whenever something is divisible in base ten. You recognize the simple fact that the material difference in the American economy between Dow 39,999 and Dow 40,001 is, effectively nil. You are correct, but the kind of correct that means nobody wants you at their champagne party.
3. Big number important politically, useless economically
You work in or care about American politics. You have the knowledge that the people in category #2 are generally correct, but the wisdom to know that lots of people in category #1 vote. You think that the fact that this is going on during the Biden administration is either delightful or deeply annoying. You are, by far, the least wealthy person on this list.
4. Big number compelling generally but Dow big number boring specifically.
You recognize that milestones do matter in markets, despite what that second guy says, because humans like milestones, and like it or not markets are just big groups of humans at the end of the day. That said, you silently seethe over the fact that the Dow is a fossil that society somehow continues to respect
5. Big number important! (ironic)
You are a broke millennial who has to talk to wealthy Boomers who have retired from active trading as part of your job. You use someone else’s login to the Wall Street Journal, and Jack Welch literally fired your dad in 1998. You possess a hat, ironically. You have posted a photograph of this hat to a social media network. However, that social media network is not actually Facebook, and therefore none of the wealthy Boomers you work with saw it. Nevertheless, you are invited to the champagne party.
6. Big Number? May thy trade chip and shatter.
You do not care about the Dow, not at all, except as a cudgel with which to remind people of the failures of your enemies. Are your first instincts upon hearing the Dow is nearing 40,000 to see if Kevin Hassett and James K. Glassman are on Twitter? You know, the guys who predicted back in 1999 that the Dow would reach 36,000 by 2004? And ended up being off by 17 years? This is you.
7. Big Number good, what is a Dow?
You care about big round numbers as much as the next primate, for sure, but you don’t get the hubbub of why everyone is talking about big round numbers today. After all, Bitcoin passed $40,000 in December.
